~Surgery

On July 7, 2010, Joshua and I, along with my mom, drove to MA to prepare for the surgery / brain biopsy the following day. We attempted to keep the conversation light-hearted and optimistic and not focus on the next day. We were about halfway there, when I started receiving panicked text messages from a co-worker. Our office had been called into an emergency conference call, and the news was stunning: all 638 Wells Fargo Financial stores in the US were closing by the beginning of September. Within two months, we would all be left without jobs. WFF was primarily located in the West, so there were no banks to relocate to.

I remember staring at the text messages, relaying the news to Joshua and my mom, and promptly bursting out in hysterical laughter. What else could I do? I think my poor mother thought I had lost my mind, but at this point, my sweet husband was having brain surgery the next day; I could not have cared less about my employment status! I remember silently telling God that I had no clue what He was during, but I was determined to trust Him. If He wanted me to lose my job, then so be it . . . something better would come.

Through all that time of attacks, it actually become easy to believe God. But for Him, I had no hope. I could not have survived it without His strength; I truly had no choice but to trust Him.

The day of the surgery, July 8th, was rough for me. I was trusting God, but I desperately wanted this chapter to be over. So I was losing my job, and we had accumulating medical bills . . . but could we please not have to deal with a brain tumor?! I begged God and believed for Him to completely heal Joshua. Right before the surgery, Joshua was scheduled to have a higher-tech mapping MRI that would show the surgeon exactly where to operate. Of course, my hope and prayer was that this final MRI would reveal nothing but brain. I even envisioned how I would react when the surgeon informed us that there was no tumor. What an amazing testimony that would be!

While I continued to trust God, the thought of my wonderful husband being subjected to brain surgery was close to terrifying. I truly do not know how people go through issues like these without a faith in God. As Joshua went in for the MRI, I begged God to please let this all be over. Literally 100+ friends, family, and people we had never even met were praying right alongside us for a miracle.

I was permitted to stay with Joshua while they prepped him for surgery. The Anesthesiologist and her Nurse Anesthetist were incredibly comforting and kind to me. They both told me that they would be with Joshua the entire time until he woke up, and that everything would be okay. The Anesthesiologist then took me aside and sweetly told me that she wanted me to go relax and get something to eat. I was probably as pale as a ghost, mainly because they were putting in IV's, and everything about needles and blood makes me queasy. Dr. David, the surgeon, then came to speak with us. He was confident and knowledgeable, and I remember being relieved by his nonchalant attitude. Brain surgery seems like such a complicated procedure, and yet he acted as though it was as simple as driving a car. At that point, his attitude was exactly what I needed to set me at ease. I was still hoping that the MRI would come back with nothing, so my main question was whether he had reviewed the scan yet. He informed me that they were setting it up in the Operating Room then, but that he had not looked at it. He did not realize why I was asking, but I was clinging to the hope of a miracle. As they wheeled Joshua to the OR, I tried to remain composed.

My mom and I migrated to the OR waiting room, where there was a large television screen that continually scrolled through patient's names and their surgery status. Families were able to watch as their loved ones prepared for surgery, entered the OR, woke up in the recovery room, and were transported to the PACU. I sat in anticipation, waiting for a shocked doctor to barge through the door and relay good news. You can imagine my alarm when Joshua's status suddenly changed to OR, and we realized the surgery had begun. I remember tearing up and forcing myself to be okay with the fact that God had not chosen to banish the tumor that day. Joshua was in surgery, but God was right by his side.