~Summer 2010 Stories

The seven weeks of radiation therapy were rigorous and challenging, yet strangely blessed. During some of the worst moments, we could feel God with us more than ever. The doctors had finally solidified Joshua’s seizure medication, but he seemed to have them more frequently during the treatments. Thankfully, he has auras and knows when they are coming on, but it can still be a scary experience. He is completely conscious during them and pretty aware of his surroundings, but he has no control over his body. This happened one morning on the way to one of his treatments, and he arrived at Lahey Clinic shortly after the seizure ended. Joshua was still slightly groggy and felt a little light-headed (which is not typical), so the nurses decided to check his vitals. When they hooked him up to a monitor, his heart rate was at an alarming 240. As the nurse began to take action, Joshua muttered under his breath, “In the name of Jesus, slow down.” He wanted to move on with his treatments and not be fussed over. I kid you not, the words had just left his mouth, when the monitor registered an immediate drop from 240 to 100.  The nurse seemed baffled by it and chalked it up to a mistake, but Joshua knew different. Another time, as Joshua felt himself slipping into a seizure, he remembered thinking, “I hope someone, somewhere is praying for me right now.” He took notice of the time, as we like to be aware of how long each attack lasts. Later that day, Joshua spoke with my father over the phone, and he told him that during his lunch, he felt the prompting to pray for Joshua. Joshua asked what time that was, and of course, it was when he was having the seizure. Amazing. It is such an encouragement to see proof that God never forgets us. We always matter to him, regardless of how big or small our present circumstances are.

Some moments seemed traumatic at the time but are almost funny now. Joshua was about five weeks into the treatments, and his hair had thinned a little but had not fallen out. The doctors had told him it most likely would, but since the radiation was more than halfway over, one of the technicians remarked that he thought Joshua would probably manage to keep his hair. That same week, I had been in Bangor to help box up files, etc. to prepare for the office closing. Everyday when I talked to Joshua, I asked about the status of his hair – I was really hoping that it would not fall out, but I wanted to be prepared if it did. Each day he assured me that he still had a thick head of hair. That Friday, I traveled back to MA, and when I arrived at his grandparents house, Joshua was not back from Lahey Clinic yet. His grandmother and I were catching up over coffee when Joshua walked through the door . . . with literally half of his hair missing! Nana’s and my jaws must have practically hit the floor. I began pelting Joshua with questions as to why he had lied to me about his hair, and he just seemed confused. He insisted that none of it was missing that morning, and Nana confirmed that he had left the house with a full head of hair. At some point during the past 1-2 hours, half of it had mysteriously fallen out. Really, the thought is comical now. Can you imagine leaving the house with all your hair (and Joshua has THICK hair), and coming home with half of it gone?! I wonder if the housekeepers at Lahey Clinic were baffled by the trail of hair in the halls that day. Smile. At the time, it was hard for me to get used to Joshua without hair. While he rocked the bald head, it was a constant reminder of what we were going through. Today those pictures (and painting, thanks to my amazingly talented, artist brother in law!) of him during that time period are such a precious reminder to me of how much God brought us through. I never would have thought I had the strength to deal with that, and yet it is amazing how much you can be empowered to do through Christ.

Another time, Joshua was pondering Jeremiah 29:11 and trying to fight off fear. Thanks to his detailed journal, I can recount the following conversation. Joshua asked God, “Why do I feel fear symptoms of what might be on the other side? Because it might kill me?” Right then, he clearly heard God speak to his heart,“That won’t be what kills you.” Encouraged for a moment, Joshua was then pelted with other fears. Death would certainly be the worst-case, but there were still so many unanswered questions. “But it might inconvenience Lindsay, and it might separate and divide us.” God shot back, “Look how far I brought her.” Still not satisfied, Joshua persisted in calling attention to our financial situation. Medical bills were coming in almost daily, and the office I worked for would be closed within the next month. Ever faithful, God responded to that concern, as well, “Look what I did so far with you. There is more than this to come.” Wow. Joshua had been spending quite a bit of time seeking God about his future and where he would go from there. At that point, we did not know if he would ever be able to work in plumbing and heating again, and everything felt up in the air. Joshua voiced his concern of, “How will I know it’s Your will? I am afraid to miss it!” He clearly heard back, “As you become aware of My love, as you become aware of who you are, I will lead you clearly.” Joshua had no idea what was to come, but God did. It was a huge encouragement to him that day to hear God confirm that He still had a plan. That He would lead Joshua clearly. There were many changes to come, but we never doubted who we were following.

“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on Me, when you come and pray to Me, I’ll listen. When you come looking for Me, you’ll find Me. Yes, when you get serious about finding Me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed. God’s Decree. I’ll turn things around for you.” Jeremiah 29:11b-14a MSG