~Before It All Began

A little over two years ago, I began a Bible study called "Believing God" by Beth Moore.  This study challenged me and stretched my faith more than anything else that I had studied thus far.  The premise is simple, yet profound: will you believe God no matter what?  This almost seemed silly at first: I am a Christian; of course I believe God!   However, as I dived deeper into the curriculum, I was challenged with tough questions.   I grew up in a Charismatic background, and I sat through countless prosperity teachings.  For years, I was taught that if you trust God, confess your Scriptures, and tithe (better yet, double tithe!), then you will be blessed with financial bliss and physical health.  I was tolf that God is a giving God, and if you are not rich and healthy, then something is wrong with your faith.  I grew up hearing all of this, and somewhere along the way, I began to believe that God heals every time.  Period.  That is just what He does. If a person dies sick, then something must have been wrong with their faith. 

Suddenly, I was confronted with a tough question: what if God does not act the way I expect Him to act?  What if my circumstances do not match what I thought God would do?  Will I still believe Him?  No matter what?  Through Beth's study I learned to trust God, regardless of what occurs.   Even if things are not happening they way I think they should.  I do not have all the answers; I do believe that God wants to bless and heal us, but I cannot explain why some people are poor and why others die of sickness.  Sometimes it seems truly unfair.  All I know is that I was determined to live the kind of life that Beth wrote about: I wanted a faith that would continue to believe God, even if my every fear came true.  I began to ask God to "Help me overcome my unbelief!" like the desperate father in Mark 9:24.  I begged God to help me live out a life of faith.

Throughout that next year, God tested me in various ways, and my faith grew astonomically.  He used small situations and trials that seemed huge at the time.  He knew what He was doing.  I did not realize it, but He was preparing me to face my worst fear head-on.